Serendipity - कांदे पोहे and the Whatsapp missed call

The concept of arranged marriage is amusing to most in today's generation. I couldn't be any different. From the last one year or so my folks were hell bent on me finding a match through this novel concept. For the most of the previous 2 years I was stationed in Korea for official purposes. I would visit India for visa renewal every 3 months and go back after a week or two. Few of these 1-2 weeks turned out to be really eventful. To think of it, they were actually awfully embarrassing. My family and I would meet a family totally stranger till the time we actually met up. The program in Pune is famously called Kande Pohe. It is the matrimonial meet where the guy along with his family goes to the girl’s home to meet her and her family.

I went for a couple of such programs and was embarrassed to the core.

 -The girl had to be dressed up in a Saree/Salwar suit irrespective of what she was most comfortable in.

- She would bring the guys side Pohe (flattened rice) and some sweets after having already bought some water and tea earlier.

-What I found most bewildering was the girl had to touch everyone's feet and seek their blessing. I have immense respect for our Indian culture of touching our elder’s feet to seek their blessing.  (In fact from childhood I have been touching my elder’s feet including the people who actually worked in my farms, back in my village) However, why was only the girl expected to do it? God only knows.

- The guy and girl were then given some alone time to check if their thoughts match. Now this is crucial. The girl and the guy have to envisage if they could like to spend the rest of their lives together based on the little they could discuss in the even more little time together. For me this was the most frightening part of it, because naturally it is difficult to know a person that soon. The conversations weren't as frightening as the follow up questions my folks would ask me.

In February, 2015 I decided to quit my job and my family was naturally elated. Not so much because of the new job or the higher pay, but they knew I would stay in India and the matrimony process will be expedited. Be that as it may, I was asked to go back to Korea even in my notice period.

Every now and then there would be notification in my mailbox from one of the matrimony sites. Sometimes I would care to open them and 'like' the profiles of 1-2 perspective brides. However, most of the times, it so happened that I never responded to the interests I received and similarly I did not receive interest from the people I had expressed interest in. I believe the process was so mechanical that after a certain point I started treating it as a futile activity. However, some people were actually interested and would call, email and whatsapp me too. We would exchange each other’s snaps and bio data (yeah... that's what it is called in the marriage market).

This was so damn mechanical that I actually had saved a draft of the emails to send across in the first, second conversation and so on. Once a gentleman pinged me on whatsapp asking me what I do in Korea and when I would come back, etc. Most people didn't know much about that beautiful country, except off course two college going girls who were crazy about some Korean TV actor. This gentleman asked me when we could meet in person. I politely informed him that I would come back to India the following month and would inform him accordingly. Ideally I should have stopped at that. I don't know what made me ping him back with the following message "Can you ask your daughter to talk/chat with me, so that I can get to understand her priorities". He gently replied me that he couldn't do it until we had met in person. Understandably so, and thankfully too, I did not prod any further.  I was this blunt in all my conversations. However, in less than 48 hours later I received a reply informing me his daughter number and that I could call her. I saved the number but could not find her on whatsapp and didn't care to call her.

Finally it was my last day in Korea. I was going through mixed feelings the whole day. I had had spent a considerable time there and being the emotional person that I am, I had got attached to a lot of things there. I was just deleting a few of my personal mails from the client’s machine when I got a missed call. It was a whatsapp missed call. It was from an unknown number. However since it was on watsapp I wanted to know who the opposite person was and how he/she has my number. On putting forth that question, "I am sorry. It was by mistake" , was what I received as a response.

The profile picture looked familiar. I later realized it was the daughter of the person who had shared her number with me a few days ago. I don't know how her number had disappeared from my cellphone. I then informed her that she needn't apologize and that I would have chatted with her anyway. I had to leave for my hotel to pack up and leave for the airport. On reaching the hotel, I received 1-2 messages from her. On a reply to one of them I asked her had she ever been to Pune. As a follow up she asked me if I had ever been to Bhopal, her current place of residence, to which I told her that I had visited once for my SSB interview and that I had written a blog post on the same. (Winner for Life - My Experience @ SSB )

She asked me for the URL and I shared the same with her. She had some objection to my describing Bhopal Junction as good or bad as Bhusawal Junction. She then happened to go through another post of mine. (Mercurial Vistas - A Long Wait).  In 2010, I had really poured my heart into writing this post about the hardships I had faced till then. Never thought a perspective bride would read it someday. But one such had just read it. She said she liked it, to which I forthrightly said that it’s not a good piece to read for matrimony purpose. My observation and experience with arranged marriage market had been that it is one which is even more ruthlessly competitive that the demanding job market in India. The guy is expected to be some kind of a macho man who has seen and done it all kind. I unfortunately did not fit into this elite club of eye candy bachelors in the market.

I reached the Incheon Airport and our conversation continued. We discussed about her career plans and I, just as a friendly gesture sent her some useful links related to fresher jobs in the industry. We did not discuss anything in particular about matrimony and I frankly did not want to discuss too much about it. My though process was this - since I am going back to India for good, I might as well take it slow.

When I landed in Mumbai I had had received a message from the same person. Our conversation continued till I reached Pune. I did not find it any strange talking so much to a person. I perhaps was good at talking /chatting ever since the Yahoo chat room days. The context of this conversation was different, no doubt. I reached Pune on a Friday and all through the weekend I had been chatting with this stranger girl. On many occasions she got into the matrimony talks,  I had had tried to avoid it as much as I could, but to no avail. I felt this girl is too young and perhaps she didn't know what she was talking about or the depth of what she was getting into. I tried my best as a friend to tell her as much as I had learned about the arranged marriage concept. When I felt that she could be actually interested in me, I told her a few of my life realities. Not that I have ever hidden any aspect of my life, I told her everything- from me being born in a modest farmers family to the hardships that one faces as villager coming to a city. I even told her that my mom, grandfather and grandmother toiled in the fields to educate me and my siblings and now that I was earning, I need to educate both my siblings and marry them off when appropriate. Mind you, being the single bread earner in the family and having the whole family to support may make your folks proud of you, but it doesn't really sell in the marriage market. I was not trying to play victim nor score any emotional points. I genuinely thought that no girl of today would like to get involved into matrimony if these were my ground realities. I thought it would play a natural matrimony repellent. However, this girl debunked my theory of today's i-want-this-i-want-that materialistic girl. She was genuinely interested in knowing me. It is only after this conversation I began thinking of her on the matrimonial lines.

I talked to a few family members about her and our group conversations continued over the week. Innumerable phone calls later my uncle and I finally landed at her house in Bhopal that Sunday. Since we had traveled quite far we spend the most of the day at her place. She was as simple and beautiful as I had thought. We got quite some time to talk to each other in private. I found her to be really genuine and innocent, too. I wouldn't dwell much into the conversation. It was just like any other. A little shy, a little reserved.

On Monday, we boarded the train back to my hometown, Chalisgaon and within 48 hours of us reaching home the girls side had been invited back. This Wednesday was another Kande Pohe program with the same girl. This time my entire extended family got to meet their side. I hadn't spoken to the girl in those 48 hours, it was on purpose. I had learned a trick or two of the marriage market. Each side found the opposite to be suitable and deemed this matrimony in their collective wisdom as destined-to-happen.

The last minute, very sudden and extremely hurried attempt to make it official was not that great. It was a simple ceremony. When this was being discussed I badly felt like running into the house and asking her one last time, again, if she knew what she was getting into and whether she was happy with it. However, those of you who have any rural connect would know how such things in the village are really tough. Anyway, the ceremony was over and there was euphoria all over. To be very frank I was too much in a daze to actually assimilate what a big change had had happened in my life.

We reached back home and the matrimony discussions filled the house with a pious aura. I was, to be frank, still in a daze. Perhaps this had something to do with me having a relationship phobia. Next day we had a surprise visitor. The girl and a few of her relatives had come home. While the rest of both the families continued with their exhilarating discussions, I couldn't hold back walking up her and borrowing her from the rest. We went up to the terrace and I showed her the aerial view of my village and farms. That was the least of my objectives at that time, to be frank. I just wanted to know if she was OK with all that's been happening. I had never got a chance to ask her that till then. However, when we talked again I saw a a glee of hope in her eyes and a stunning smile. That answered all my questions. I was finally at ease and only then it began to sink in that I had been hooked up.

I can actually write a book on my arranged matrimony experience, but I'll save that for some other time. I just wish God grants me the strength to do justice to that pretty stranger who has decided to spend the rest of her life with this commoner.

Mera Desh Chor Hai ?

This amusing title is not taken from a Bollywood potboiler, but it was what I had read on the back of a truck 15 years ago, when as a kid I was touring Rajasthan with my family. The writing on the truck obviously didn’t go too well with my dad , who had then howled an abuse on seeing the same.

I , being a kid was indifferent then. But to think of it today – What was actually wrong with the writing ???. To me = Absolutely NOTHING.

If one were to go by the Headlines in 2009-2010 , it is tough to find a single day when the newspaper headline did not mention a SCAM.

· CommonWealth Games Scam

Officially worth 8,000 crores , it discounts the various projects worth another few hundred crores that Kalmadi has got in his sons name.

· 2G Telecom Scam

Fondly called ‘The mother of all scams’ , it has caused an overall loss of Rs. 1.76 lakh crore to the government.

· Adarsh Scam

Plot taken in name of martyrs , Adarsh scam saw all whose who from politicians to IAS to IPS to even ex army personnel getting into it.

· ISRO Spectrum Scam

We’ve heard a lot of misdoings of the USA but have you ever heard of NASA getting on the wrong side of the law. Well India’s NASA (read ISRO) is just the opposite.

· IPL Scam

Who can forget Lalit Modi and his mischief’s as the IPL boss?

· Satyam Scam

Satyam is the biggest fraud in the corporate history to the tune of Rs. 14000 crore.

· Defence Scam

What can be more shameful than the Nation’s elite Army being involved in some or the other scam as the years go by.

These scams were worth lakhs of crores of rupees and their beneficiaries are just a hand full.

If there was a Olympic Race for the most corrupt Nation , India would strike Gold, year after year, and improving the distance between the distant Runners-Up i.e. Russia. The Swiss Banking Association report, 2006 figures speak for themselves.

TOP FIVE Deposits with Swiss Banks

INDIA $1,456 BILLION

RUSSIA $470 BILLION

U.K. $390 BILLION

UKRAINE $100 BILLION

CHINA $96 BILLION

Simple Math tells us that India with $1,456 billion or $1.4 trillion has more money in Swiss banks than rest of the world combined. This amount is about 13 times larger than the country's foreign debt. With this amount 45 crore poor people can get Rs 1,00,000 each.

This is the country where officially 37.2% of the population is poor and 21 per cent of the Indian population is undernourished. According to the World Bank, 46 per cent of Indian children below the age of five are underweight, and the World Food Program says that close to 30 per cent of the world's hungry live in India

The country's overwhelming population is often given as an excuse to justify poverty and starvation in India. This theory is applicable only if the state itself is poor and has no means to procure enough food for its people. India is not poor, even though 70 per cent of Indians are. And the reason India cannot be called poor is – the richest of Industrialists today are Indians , the fastest growing Economy is India. But the concentration of wealth only in a few hands is a reason for great worry – the divide between the Rich and Poor , Rural and Urban , Educated and Illiterate in India is only widening with each new day.

There are many countries in the world that got their Independence after India and are already doing much better than India.

· How many years is the Aam-Aadmi going to bear all this injustice?

· Will we be asking for Roti, Kapada, Makan, Sadak, Bijli even after 100 years after Independence ?

· How many years are we going to ask for reservations and shun real education ?

· How many years do we want to help the Government keep minorities backward and keep them wanting ?

· How many times are we going to elect the same bloody corrupt politicians, who on their Election Affidavit claim to own no Car , but are seen roaming around in Imported sedans worth crores ?

Talking of the last point , I find it amusing when a Sharad Pawar or a Rahul Gandhi says he owns no car, when the whole of Pune knows that each inch of prime land here belongs to the former. (Did anyone say Lavassa ?? Ohh I hear Magarpatta and Amonora too. And lets not forget who allowed DB Realty to take away the Yerwada Police Station Land :) ). And the world knows that the latter’s family should be a majority shareholder in the billions slashed in Swiss banks.

It is high time now the Indian in us rose to the occasion and help curb corruption by standing, solid as a rock, behind Anna Hazare, Kiran Bedi, Swami Agnivesh and Arvind Kejriwal and by lending support to the Jan Lokpal Bill.

A look at the salient features of Jan Lokpal Bill:

1. An institution called LOKPAL at the centre and LOKAYUKTA in each state will be set up
2. Like Supreme Court and Election Commission, they will be completely independent of the governments. No minister or bureaucrat will be able to influence their investigations.
3. Cases against corrupt people will not linger on for years anymore: Investigations in any case will have to be completed in one year. Trial should be completed in next one year so that the corrupt politician, officer or judge is sent to jail within two years.
4. The loss that a corrupt person caused to the government will be recovered at the time of conviction.
5. How will it help a common citizen: If any work of any citizen is not done in prescribed time in any government office, Lokpal will impose financial penalty on guilty officers, which will be given as compensation to the complainant.
6. So, you could approach Lokpal if your ration card or passport or voter card is not being made or if police is not registering your case or any other work is not being done in prescribed time. Lokpal will have to get it done in a month's time. You could also report any case of corruption to Lokpal like ration being siphoned off, poor quality roads been constructed or panchayat funds being siphoned off. Lokpal will have to complete its investigations in a year, trial will be over in next one year and the guilty will go to jail within two years.
7. But won't the government appoint corrupt and weak people as Lokpal members? That won't be possible because its members will be selected by judges, citizens and constitutional authorities and not by politicians, through a completely transparent and participatory process.
8. What if some officer in Lokpal becomes corrupt? The entire functioning of Lokpal/ Lokayukta will be completely transparent. Any complaint against any officer of Lokpal shall be investigated and the officer dismissed within two months.
9. What will happen to existing anti-corruption agencies? CVC, departmental vigilance and anti-corruption branch of CBI will be merged into Lokpal. Lokpal will have complete powers and machinery to independently investigate and prosecute any officer, judge or politician.
10. It will be the duty of the Lokpal to provide protection to those who are being victimized for raising their voice against corruption.

Mercurial Vistas - A Long Wait

This is a story of a boy from a small village and his tryst with education, and after.

Circa 1987-92

Born in a small-time farmer’s joint family of 7 members, in a remote village of Maharashtra, his arrival was celebrated with great pomp by the family, affluent, only by the village standards. Being the first grandchild of the family head, he was nicknamed “Bhaiya” meaning “the elder”.

Everything was going smooth, until one of the neighbor; one day said “What a rogue kid”. Being the pampered child, everything was meant to be ignored; however, his naughty-by-nature attitude was being seen as a great hindrance to his healthy upbringing, if he were to have one. After his countless pranks and innumerable complaints by all and sundry, the decision was made. The boy was to join a Boarding School in Pune, better known as ‘Oxford of the East’.

Circa 1992-94

The 90s was such a time that things weren’t really costly in Pune, and for a family of four working individuals (though three of them were farmers), the finances were the least concern, atleast initially.

With the help of one of the relatives, an appointment was arranged with the Principal of the most prestigious school in Pune- The Bishop's School, Pune. However, it's not tough to conclude that there was no place for the uncouth in the premier institute. This was Pune , a very big city , and thankfully, no efforts were made to throw the weight around, by any of the family members.

One of the suggestions heeded by the boy’s father, worked like a miracle. “ Admit the boy in another school for his LKG, UKG. Let him learn English there, and excel in studies. Then come back here “ .

In 1994, the same Principal was more than happy to admit the child, who in the previous two years had learned much more than what was required of his age.

Circa 1994 -2004

The first few years were definitely like fish out of water for the boy who hadn’t seen multi stories building, hadn’t heard such crisp English, never seen people wear a blazer before. Conversations were very tough to make, because the confidence was inadequate. Time being the best healer, things fell in place soon, and the uncouth villager was being groomed to be a Thorough Gentleman.

Just when things were going all right, and expectations were being set high , something happened that changed the entire mettle of his life. February 6, 2000 , his father came to visit him in school, along with his friends. However, little did the boy know, it could be last time to feel loved. February 11, 2000 was the last time his father breathed- the boy was orphaned. The father met with a deadly road accident near his village , killing him on the spot.

This left the entire family devastated and the entire village in disarray. Hundreds that had gathered to pay their last respects were unable to console the sobbing family. Amidst the great grief, a strong decision, that of sending the boy immediately back to the school, was taken.

Being always surrounded by friends and teachers, all of whom were very dear and close to him, the boy never missed anything. His life was just the same as before, except when he got emotional letters from his mother and grandfather. Barely in his teens, the boy gathered great courage not only to console his folks at home, but also to not break the sad news to any of his friends, lest they start consoling him and reminding him of the horror.

Academic life was never hampered as such, however back home , the joint family had grown to 13 and with the gem of the house no more, finances were a reason of concern. Sympathy in his favor, his education was never hampered, and deservedly so, the boy excelled in all frontiers at school.

But all this while the boy didn’t realize what preparation were going on to facilitate ‘ his present ‘. With the draught setting in, the farmer's family unable to make ends meet had to borrow money at 16-18 % interest from banks, more so because June was not only the time to pay fees, it was the time of cultivation too. Gold jewellery was sold too, and when the boy heard it- he was shattered.

Leaving no stone unturned the boy passed his Class X Board Exams with flying colors and sought admission in the esteemed Fergusson College in Pune city.

Circa 2004-2010

Passing out from a premier school helped him make many good friends. After 12 years in a boarding school, college was a free jungle- no restrictions, no rules, and unfortunately- no studies. The materialistic greenery of College spelled doom for him. He just managed to scrape through his Class XII Board Exams and his performance in his Engineering Entrance was even worse. The ‘hep-n-happening’ crowd of the college airs surrounded him no more. He had realized his follies, but time had passed.

Being unable to seek admission for Engineering in Information Technology stream (which he wanted very badly) even in the not-so-good colleges, he realized why it is said “Survival of the Fittest”.

This had many ramifications back home. Figures being pointed, falling in the eyes -were just the façade. Sympathy was no more, and neither was the will to arrange for the currency needed for the most crucial phase of his academic life.

Disappointment notwithstanding, the boy’s grandfather arranged for the moolah in a surreptitious manner and repaid the boy’s Uncle-in-Pune, [ who was the farthest in blood relation, but closest in understanding the meaning of “blood”] , who had already paid the required amount in a college that was willing to admit the boy. This, obviously was done through a few contacts and paying a bribe too, but then, principles were to be kept at bay, at least then.

“The first year in Engineering in Pune University is the toughest”, was the one sentence he heard countless times, right on the first day in the Engineering College. Having already realized his follies, and willing to make amends, the boy started life afresh. Passing the 1^st semester with a decent score increased his confidence, (he couldn’t get back all that he lost, so soon though) , and he passed the 1^st year with a First Class.

Now that the academic life was getting on the right track, things had to go wrong in some quarter. The brothers of his late father, were unhappy that courtesy was shown to the boy despite him failing the “Trust Test” a year before. They were right in their own way, since they had toiled hard for the money that was put in, which they could’ve invested for their own children too, who now were pretty much needing the same kind of education that the boy enjoyed. The boy wasn’t their “own”, is only an emotional misact, practicality should be the norm in 21^st century, and so it was.

As though this wasn’t enough, a few property issues started to crop up. Not that the land was worth anything substantially “priceless”, it was enough for the feud to break up the joint family of 60 years.

Back in college, the boy didn’t enjoy his college very much and obviously so, it wasn’t like any of the premier institutes he had had the opportunity to study in. There was very little he could do, and even if he wanted to, things back home weren’t very smooth to ask for support. His aged grandparent’s, and his widowed mother’s tireless labor was helping pay for his education. Since other members of his erstwhile joint family were only indifferent to his condition, they deserve no mention.

2010

Being in the final year of his engineering expectations were high again, more so back home, since the last three years had been great in the academic sense. Campus Placements is single criterion an engineering institute is known for, nowadays. Being from a lesser known college, he was hesitant to dream big, although all his friends from other reputed institute had been placed with handsome pay packages and in firms of great repute. As they say “Every Dog has its Day”, and so did this one from an underdog institute. The pay offered was less but the Company was a reputed one. “ Beggars cannot be choosers “ could actually describe the situation better.

September 2010

The boy joins the training academy of the Software firm he was placed in through campus recruitment. Going away from Pune was little lamentable as compared to the prospects of finally getting a chance to make up for the time lost – the time to prove himself had come.

October 1, 2010

After a hard day of training, the boy is sitting on his study table reading “ The Complete Reference –Java” , on which he is to be tested the following Monday, he overhears his friend's jovial chord “ Our 1^st salary has been credited”.

Without getting too excited he completed the chapter he had been reading, before heading to the ATM to read “ Your Account has been credited with Rs 10,400 /-“.. Blame it on the mediocrity of middle-class-family ideas, or the paucity of funds he might have faced, though it was just a meager stipend, he finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel.

Happiness knew no bound this day, when the boy actually realized he was the 1^st Software Engineer from his small hamlet of 1000 odd people. Though life could’ve been more beautiful had a few godforsaken circumstances not been reality, “All’s well that Ends Well”

Though it’ s just a beginning, the boy dreams that he will someday go back to the village, and help create a few such stories that start from - being a farmer’s son- getting educated to be a software engineer- and perhaps going back again to help some else toe a line alike.

PS: The writer himself is the " boy " being talked about.

TeArS ! !

There are times when you don't really understand what is troubling you . One such time these thoughts troubled me even more.

  

 

Sometimes , I don't know why ,

I feel all alone even in a crowd. 

And when before sleeping I try to reason - why ? ,

Tears flow down through my eyes.

After a few minutes when I've just about started

thinking -why ? ,

I start weeping thinking -why ? 

Knowing there's no one even to wipe my tears ,

I gently console my own self , and 

I start crying out , again 

thinking -why ?

A Cricket Fan's Letter to Lalit Modi

My Dearest Lalit Modi ,
                                 On the onset Congratulations !!! ... your little baby called IPL is a  $ 4 Billion Enterprise 2day, not to mention the many case studies designed to study its success by the most prestigious B-Schools, all around. You obviously know I'm not mad to write to you for only this.
                                  
                                 Since your exit from IPL is most likely , it is my sincere request to reveal all the insider information you have regarding the irregularities regarding the same. This will help you explain your side of the story and inevitably help the Nation  know who the (more important) culprits are.      
                                    
                                 It is no surprise that the most powerful politicos are only bothered of getting tax exemptions for the IPL matches , in the state of their influence, while the people they represent are made to pay tax on the tickets they buy. Had you paid tax to Maharashtra Govt. , it could've helped the state repay at-least a small amount of the huge debt , the burden of which it is already reeling under..
                                   
                                 So many watts of electricity is made available for IPL , but why does my neighbor die in the operation theater due to power failure , why do my farmer friends have be awake all nite watering their fields (cos there in no power the whole day)
                                  
                                 The IPL saga is making me believe that the Sharjah Days were better , atleast we knew who is fixing n who is betting. Today the same people may be investing under many benami transactions ..n You are thinking you are the only one taking us for a ride.. remember the nation has had enough of terror in the form of Let, JeM etc ..n also in the form fake currency ..bollywood funding et all. 
                             
                                 Do u genuinely think that the people of this Nation are fools enough to believe that the Lok Sabha Elections 2009, was the sole reason to shift the IPL-2 venues from India to South Africa (where betting is legal , not to mention the many white collared criminals who have made it their sweet abode) ???
                                 
                                 Such transactions are only making the Indian diaspora weaker, cos our elections are rigged , our money is fake , the proceeds of our investment in property or a movie ticket go to some one (you know who) sitting in Dubai and now ..you are giving us feeling that by watching IPL we are only harming ourselves.                            
                                 
                                 Complaints are many .. Just hope you get an honorable exit you sincerely deserve to having made your services available to IPL (Not for all the things mentioned above ... but for making a little money for our Cricketers too). More importantly , please expose as many culprits as you can - not much for saving urself , but for this Nations Cricketing fans , who keep enjoying the matches , not knowing its all a fixed drama of power, money, alcohol et all ..and that cricket is just the facade. 


                                  Thanking you for having given the nation a thing called IPL. My Best Wishes to you for your life ahead , and sincerely hope you use your intellect , charisma, and well built connections to generate another $ 4 billion (infact even more), but in a  more genuine and transparent business model. 


                                                                                                         Yours truely,
                                                                                                         Kunal Mahajan
                                                                                                                                                                  [A once-upon-a-time avid Cricket Fan]